When it comes to breaking up with an ex and making it stick, sometimes the best route to go is to employ the No Contact rule. "The No Contact rule is where you don't call, text, or message an ex in any way after the breakup. It includes not talking to their friends or family about them or the breakup itself," says dating and breakup coach Lee Wilson.
The No Contact rule is so effective because it allows you to sit with your grief and wounds and not plug up any holes or feelings of brokenness with someone else, as sex and grief coach Breeshia Wade, explains. In painful breakups, "the grief can be so palpable that we will do anything to soothe the pain in a given moment, even if that immediate action leads to greater, long-term suffering," Wade says. When you go no-contact, this can help you properly acknowledge a loss and mourn it, and eventually create space for something new, Wade adds.
It's easy to trick yourself into thinking you might get back together if you keep texting your ex all the time and nothing really feels that different from pre-breakup. But, as Wade says, that kind of short-term soothing can be harmful in the long run. Denying to yourself that the relationship wasn't working isn't going to do you any favors, believe me. However, if you start to live without their presence in your life, moving on can become much easier. Wade also says that the No Contact rule can help you move towards experiencing and transforming your grief as opposed to distracting and soothing.
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