You will never be as close to your teenage self as you are when you have a crush. Falling for someone new can take you from full-fledged adulthood right back to your childhood bedroom—J-14 posters, drugstore mascara, embarrassing diary entries, and all. Suddenly every text feels make-or-break as you anxiously weigh the potential impact of every last punctuation mark and emoji, asking yourself that one question you thought you'd eliminated from your vocabulary post-middle school: What if they don't like me back?
While a little nervous energy is all part of the excitement of a new fling, having a crush at any age tends to involve the same type of vulnerability it did back when you were trading "Do You Like Me?" notes in grade school. And unfortunately, that means that whether you're 13 or 30, a crush can be just as gut-wrenching when things don't work out.
"An unreciprocated crush can be particularly hard to overcome because you have an idealized picture in your mind of that person. You don't know what it's like to date them; you just have a constant loop in your head of the love story that could have been," says Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge and author of the bestselling book How to Not Die Alone. "With a breakup, you know and experience the things that caused the two of you to be incompatible. But when you have a crush on someone, you're not picturing them being rude when they're tired or getting too drunk at dinner with your parents. You see an idealized (and unrealistic) version of them, and that fake version is the one that you're mourning."
"An unreciprocated crush can be particularly hard to overcome because you have an idealized picture in your mind of that person. You don't know what it's like to date them; you just have a constant loop in your head of the love story that could have been," says Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge and author of the bestselling book How to Not Die Alone. "With a breakup, you know and experience the things that caused the two of you to be incompatible. But when you have a crush on someone, you're not picturing them being rude when they're tired or getting too drunk at dinner with your parents. You see an idealized (and unrealistic) version of them, and that fake version is the one that you're mourning."" target="_blank" style="text-decoration:none;color:#555555;" rel="noopener">You will never be as close to your teenage self as you are when you have a crush. Falling for someone new can take you from full-fledged adulthood right back to your childhood bedroom—J-14 posters, drugstore mascara, embarrassing diary entries, and all. Suddenly every text feels make-or-break as you anxiously weigh the potential impact of every last punctuation mark and emoji, asking yourself that one question you thought you'd eliminated from your vocabulary post-middle school: What if they don't like me back?
While a little nervous energy is all part of the excitement of a new fling, having a crush at any age tends to involve the same type of vulnerability it did back when you were trading "Do You Like Me?" notes in grade school. And unfortunately, that means that whether you're 13 or 30, a crush can be just as gut-wrenching when things don't work out.
"An unreciprocated crush can be particularly hard to overcome because you have an idealized picture in your mind of that person. You don't know what it's like to date them; you just have a constant loop in your head of the love story that could have been," says Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge and author of the bestselling book How to Not Die Alone. "With a breakup, you know and experience the things that caused the two of you to be incompatible. But when you have a crush on someone, you're not picturing them being rude when they're tired or getting too drunk at dinner with your parents. You see an idealized (and unrealistic) version of them, and that fake version is the one that you're mourning." |
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