There's nothing quite like the unique combination of pride and self-loathing that comes with successfully internet stalking the person you're into. As in, the aha-moment when you find them on LinkedIn—on Incognito, obviously—and confirm that they do actually work for the bank they said they did, but also the painful realization that you just spent way longer than anyone should looking for their ex's Instagram when you could've just…not.
Rookie internet sleuths know their way around Instagram and Facebook stalking and, don't get me wrong, those are great jumping off points! (How else are you supposed to find pics of his dad to make sure he's going to age well?) But only seasoned pros are familiar with the benefits of Venmo stalking, and perhaps most jarringly, all the blood, sweat, and tears that led you to stare at their parents' house on RedFin at three in the morning—a nice three-bedroom in the suburbs that they did, in fact, buy in the '80s.
If all this sounds deranged to you, then partially, fine, you're right. But allow me to redeem myself by introducing you to a much simpler (and dare I say, healthier?) version of internet stalking on a platform that you're already using everyday anyways: Spotify.
There's nothing quite like the unique combination of pride and self-loathing that comes with successfully internet stalking the person you're into. As in, the aha-moment when you find them on LinkedIn—on Incognito, obviously—and confirm that they do actually work for the bank they said they did, but also the painful realization that you just spent way longer than anyone should looking for their ex's Instagram when you could've just…not.
Rookie internet sleuths know their way around Instagram and Facebook stalking and, don't get me wrong, those are great jumping off points! (How else are you supposed to find pics of his dad to make sure he's going to age well?) But only seasoned pros are familiar with the benefits of Venmo stalking, and perhaps most jarringly, all the blood, sweat, and tears that led you to stare at their parents' house on RedFin at three in the morning—a nice three-bedroom in the suburbs that they did, in fact, buy in the '80s.
If all this sounds deranged to you, then partially, fine, you're right. But allow me to redeem myself by introducing you to a much simpler (and dare I say, healthier?) version of internet stalking on a platform that you're already using everyday anyways: Spotify. |
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