As a form of self-care, I tend to avoid spending too much time on social media during moments where America is literally on fire with rage and videos of yet another Black person's death have become must-see television. However, when a clip of George Floyd calling for his mother as he lay dying in the street came across my feed, I made the mistake of watching it. He was killed by a police officer who knelt on his neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds, and again, we had a hashtag. Again, we became exhausted at having to explain to the world why we deserve to simply breathe. But as I watched, the clip triggered a fear-filled truth in me that I deny daily: I'm scared to be a mother.
Now I know you're thinking,
Oh, girl, everyone is scared to become a parent, but it's deeper than that. As a Black woman with a desire to have a family, I have always been terrified to actually create a Black life. Long before George Floyd's death rocked the nation and sparked mass protests from coast to coast, my thoughts of maternity photos, baby showers, and kissing chubby toes have been overshadowed by the fear of bringing a child into a world that doesn't want it and would cut its innocent life short for something as simple as jogging or looking through a window.
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