For Ceally Smith, it felt like she was suffocating. The 33-year-old holistic health entrepreneur would spend hours consumed with conspiracy theories—about sex trafficking, children secretly being sold on a furniture website, the multimillionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. There was always another video to watch, another media lie to investigate, another stranger to enlighten. Things that once fulfilled her—exercise, her meal-prep business—no longer seemed to matter. Instead, she dug deeper and deeper into the horrors the internet presented her every day, feeling obligated, as a sexual abuse survivor, to "be the adult I needed as a child," she says.
For Anna*, a 23-year-old pharmacy student in Pennsylvania, it felt like being trapped in a vortex of fear. "I had feelings of hope, but at the same time, I was incredibly scared, distressed, and anxious and even had panic attacks," she says. She spent as many as eight hours a day poring over feeds on Telegram and Gab, listening to fringe podcasts. "Doing just about anything else," she admits, "was really hard."
Another person compared it to a "monster gnawing away at me." On a message board this summer, they wrote, "My mind keeps circling back to it, no matter what I do. I don't want this to happen, I've seen what it does to people, but I just can't shake it off, I'm losing my goddamn mind, I can't focus on anything and my anxiety keeps shooting up, this isn't who I am." |
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